I love, love. Like I mentioned in our first blog post, I’ve always felt the pressure to have a boyfriend but, truthfully, I always wanted one too. I’m not going to sit here and tell you being boo’d up, boo’d up🎵 is so bad for you and you should just wait till you graduate from university, have a job and are ready to have kids to find the love of your life. All the adults in your life would probably love me to preach that sermon, but in reality, that narrative isn't the journey for everyone or the most appealing one.
I wanted the free dates. The holding hands in the shopping centre. Someone to be waiting for me outside of the school gates. That Jada & Will love (before the August Entanglement😂🙊).
And for the short time I had someone I could sing...
...to, it was sweet! But then we broke up and my song changed to:
Though our breakup was a mutual agreement after a too long period of being in a situationship (1/10 – would not recommend), I was still hurt but I pretended not to be.
I didn’t delete him off my socials or block his number. I didn’t actively avoid him. I didn’t even cry. I was just really trying to prove to myself that I did not need a man!
But on the inside, I was not on my Single Ladies vibe at all.
A breakup isn’t cute. I think it’d probably be weirder to have no emotions at all after breaking up with someone you liked, let alone loved. If you’ve ever broken up with someone, you know how weird it is to suddenly realise you can’t just message them when you see something that’ll make them laugh. Or when you’re having a bad day. When someone who's usually in your life’s routine it's hard to adapt to, if we’re being real.
Being insecure with who you are definitely doesn’t make it any easier too. At the time I didn’t realise it then, but I didn’t feel that loved. Having a boyfriend definitely gave me the comfort, security and attention I didn’t feel I was getting from other people in my life e.g. my parents. So, no longer getting all of that in such an intense/intimate way was hard. If I’m keeping it real, I think if I was confident back then, I probably would’ve tried to get into another relationship ASAP just to filll the void I was missing.
We don't hear this enough but if you are the person that breaks up the relationship, you are still allowed to feel sad about it.
If you’re going through a breakup or in case you ever do, these are my tips for surviving it:
- Take time to really try & figure out what you’re feeling
- Then let yourself feel whatever those emotions are. Hurt, anger, loneliness, sadness, regret, happiness, freedom. It’s all valid feelings
- Put yourself first. Figure out what you want to do. Remind yourself that your worth is not related to being in a relationship.
- Be patient with the changes.
- Be honest with yourself. Are you really okay with seeing them all over Snap with their new boo? Is it time to stop stalking them on your fake Insta? Are you actually over it?
- Still do fun stuff!! We can’t wait for a partner to love ourselves or go to places we've always wanted to go to. So, go to Crazy Golf with your friends! If you’re allowed to, go to the cinema alone! I forced myself to get comfortable doing things I enjoyed, alone because why should I be bored simply because I don’t have a boyfriend? We still deserve cute things-single or not.
It took me a year to fully get over my ex and the relationship wasn’t even toxic or particularly long. It might take you longer or shorter, but you will be okay.
I promise.
Ruth
