• Ruth

Dealing with Loss

It’s crazy to think that we are **still** in this unprecedented time and all that we’ve survived still may not fill the gap of all the things we’ve lost. Many of us have lost loved ones, lost moments where would have shared with others, experiences we’d looked forward to for years. Though there have many positives to being in lockdown for 11 months, it’s perfectly normal and understandable to still struggle with coming to terms with everything you’ve lost too.


Everybody processes loss differently. Especially when it comes to losing people, no one can really give you a fixed time frame for you to “get over it” or give you a secret recipe to lessening those uncomfortable emotions. But in Psychology, there’s a common process called the ‘Stages of Grief.’ While this is mainly about the effects of loved ones passing, I believe that a lot of us are grieving the lost time, memories and experiences we know would’ve made us happy. So here are the 5 stages:


1. Denial


2. Anger

Angry at yourself, the world, a higher power, at the person you’ve lost, anyone that comes your way

3. Bargaining

Aka the IF stage. You may start to feel guilt or regret about what/who you’ve lost. “If I had just done ___ maybe they’d still be here or I wouldn’t feel so bad” “God if I promise to be a better person, will you bring them back?” Going around and around in circles of anger, sadness, hope and typically ending up emotionally and mentally exhausted

4. Depression

A normal response to a grave loss. This stage will always pass through. No matter where the depths of your sadness take you. You don’t need to and shouldn’t go through this stage alone. It’s imperative that you speak to someone, a friend or a professional. Frequently, too. You

5. Acceptance

The moment you swallow the really painful pill.

Acceptance is really hard. Because once you accept the reality, it’s almost impossible to deceive yourself again. I’m sure so many of us have or have yet to, realise that this pandemic was not just a 2020 feature. And that can be really hard to accept when you think about how many things it’s affected and will probably affect your future.


Take a second to breathe here. In through your nose and out through your mouth.

So dealing with loss?


Understand the different stages you may or may not experience and don’t beat yourself up about it. Recognize them as the process. No process stays the same so remind yourself it will get better to accept and live with the new truth of the loss you’re facing. With all of that, it’s important to remember not to do it alone. Let a parent, career, friend, or professional in with your ride. The waves (no matter how heavy and deep) are easier to ride with someone else with you. Here are some organizations that can help:


www.hopeagain.org.uk

www.letstalkaboutloss.org

www.samiritans.org

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