TW: At the end of this blog post, there will be a few written hypothetical scenarios for you to decide if it is consent or not. These scenarios may trigger some memories or experiences. If you want to talk about those or anything to do with consent, our website chatline is open 4-6pm every Wednesday or you can speak to these charities: Childline
The truth is NO ONE has a right to your body. Not your parents. Not your boyfriend or girlfriend of 5 years. Not a stranger. Not your teacher, doctor, religious leader. Not the most trusted person in your life.
You get to decide what you want to do with it and no one should cross that boundary. Your word is final and that is CONSENT.
Consent by the law is defined as:
"Someone consents to vaginal, anal or oral penetration only if s/he/they agrees by choice to that penetration and has the freedom and capacity to make that choice. "
*** Your clothes, or lack of any, do not consent for you.
*** Consent is not based on assumption. You have the right to change your mind at any time. Regardless of previous arrangements.
*** Just because you consent to one act, it doesn’t mean you have to or have. consented to anything else.
*** Consent applies to all genders & those without gender.
*** Consent applies to oral sex too.
Here are 3 scenarios. Can you see if there you can identify if Consent has been given?
For Charmaine’s 15th birthday, her boyfriend Jacob took her to a hotel for one night. Jacob finished college last year and works now so he was able to get them a nice room in a 4* hotel. On the bed were rose petals and a designer purse, Charmaine was so happy. Later that night, Jacob and Charmaine were in bed and Jacob started trying to touch Charmaine’s private areas…Has Charmaine given consent to any sexual activity?
Katie & Jack have been close friends since college days and now they’ve been going to the same university so they’re even closer. They’re not officially dating but they like each other and even do some sexual acts together. They went to their friend’s 21st birthday party together but Jack had to order the Uber because Katie was way too drunk. Katie always sleeps naked because she thinks it’s way more comfortable. She knocked out as soon as she got into bed. But when Jack noticed that Katie was naked in bed, he started thinking that Katie wanted to have sex with him…Can Katie give consent right now?
Abdi & Sarai have been dating for 3 years since they were 14. They decided that they wanted to lose their virginity to each other, properly. As it’s happening, Sarai was finding it really uncomfortable and painful so she starts saying “stop.” so Abdi stopped. Did they have consensual sex?
scenario 1: Charmaine hasn't given consent because she is under the legal of consent of sexual activities (which is 16). If she was the legal age, she still wouldn't have given consent because buying gifts + a hotel room does not mean she wants to have sex or any sexual activity-which Jacob assumed by touching her inappropriately.
scenario 2: Katie & Jack are of the age to have sex but Katie is drunk & also passed out. Meaning she doesn't have the capacity or freedom to properly consent & her being naked is not an invitation to having sex either. Jack's thinking is wrong.
scenario 3: Abdi & Sarai are of the legal age to have sex & be able to consent as they are both 17. They both gave consent to each other to have sex. Sarai changed her mind during the course of it & wanted to stop & so Abdi stopped. They did have consensual sex from beginning to end.
If you want to talk about those or anything to do with consent, our website chatline is open 4-6pm every Wednesday or you can speak to these charities: Childline